if we’d developed particle weapons during the ronald reagan era we could have called them ronald rayguns but we fucked that up just like everything else
Veronox
I DIDNT KNOW AMNESIA WAS SET IN PRUSSIA
its because everyones dead
i will actually punch you
nayx:
instead of accusing the defendant, we’re gonna insult his lawyer and say he drinks milk and lives with his mom. good hustle guys
One day we’ll be in a Marvel movie, sitting there as something doesn’t feel right. and as the credits start to roll we’ll know what it is. It will flash up on screen and our hearts will break. “In loving memory of Stan Lee”. There was no cameo in that movie. And there never will be again.
dear fucking tumblr
this is a fucking bumblebee
this is a fucking bee
this is a fucking hornet
this is a fucking wasp
as you can fucking see the longer their legs are and the less fuzzy they are is equivalent to how fucking evil they fucking are
I was loitering all right, but when the cop asked me about it I said no way.
“I’m just a door-to-door salesman,” I lied. “I sell Jacuzzis.”
“Do you install them, too?”
“I sure do.”
The cop then followed me into the liquor store and planted himself by the door; watching as I launched into an improvised sales pitch to the old man behind the register. I described the different shapes and styles of Jacuzzis as well as the various price ranges. I told him what was popular and what the options were with water jets.
“I think I like the one with just the two jets,” said the old man.
“Oh come on, man - two jets?!,” I shook my head, disappointed. “If you really only want two jets you may as well just run over to the hardware store and get yourself one of those little pans you soak your feet in.”
The old man laughed nervously.
“I should really talk to my wife…”
I rolled my eyes. ”Wow. You run every little decision by your wife first?”
“Fine,” he said firmly. “I’ll take the one with ten jets.”
I grinned and patted him hard on the shoulder.
“That’s what I’m talking about!”
About a week later, with the cop watching everything, I had managed to dig a pretty respectable-sized hole in the floor of the liquor store, but the work was hard and it was difficult for me to envision how to build functional water jets.
“Okay,” I said to the cop. “You win. I was loitering.”
